Your nuclear existence

A scant observation I'd like to borrow thirty seconds of your time to share, if I may: no, not to tell you the word about Jesus Christ, but to note that an increasing number of consumer technology advertising hooklines are deploying a very specific phrase as breezily as if it's the latest model battle tank.

Last year, you were buying gifts for “your family”, this Christmas season it's “the family”. I thought I was just getting a pair of socks for dad, but whatever. Oops, I guess I just indirectly invalidated my claims three sentences earlier. Bugger, I guess. You'll have to forgive me, my record for delivering on lofty assertions in which I have no stake whatsoever in upholding has been faltering as of late.

Now in this techno-savvy context, what does the use of “the family” as opposed to “your family”, or “my family”, connote?

First and foremost, the family appears as a kind of obligatory accessory, a mandatory ingredient in the life of the sophisticated, hip urban consumer. It's something that “everyone” has, whether they want it or not – regardless of and totally divorced from the reality that not everyone has a family, or even one they particularly want to associate with.

If you belong to the certain youthful socio-economic bracket that can afford hip-and-happening consumer technology like /Ipads/Galaxy S II's/miniature pocket keyring hydrogen bombs et al., then you have “the family” that has provided you with the lodgings, education, nourishment and home life throughout the course of your privileged upbringing presumably necessary to attain the stance in society whereby you have the disposable income to purchase such items.

“The family” is successful in its own right. It made you what you are, it got you to where you are today. You're successful, you've made it, and now you're going to build on that success by buying one of whatever Mr. Shitface is dangling like a droopy marshmallow on the end of his long pointy stick over your proverbial cage.

To be sure, I guess the element of depersonalisation in such a phrase is necessary for exactly the same reasons outlined above – the marketing boffins can't know for sure that whoever is reading their advert is going to fall into the aforementioned consumer demographic, so saying “buy a gift for your family” might ruffle some feathers and/or possibly be a bit un-PC.

But really, I guess the whole feel-good-about-yourself-because-you're-a-wealthy-urban-guerilla-connotation that comes with it is just an unexpected bonus – like finding that your laptop doubles as a place setter. Bon appetite, and don't you go handling those crackers irresponsibly, you hear?.